It's Okay to Take a Break Sometimes

Also learning to forgive myself for the constant use of disposable containers during this pandemic, because while the Earth is important, others' health is important too.

    It's been a long while since I've posted anything on this blog. And to say the very least, 2020 has been a wild one. From the many different things we're all facing right now: COVID-19, human & civil rights movements, the introduction of murder hornets to finding a new normal routine amidst this quarantine  lockdown. We're constantly being challenged this year: challenged to learn, challenged to put others first, challenged to admit we were wrong, challenged to accept new information as it comes, & challenged to somehow make sense of it all & stay mentally healthy. 

    Let me be the first one to say, those challenges got the best of me.

    In the beginning of the COVID lockdowns, I started noticing a decline in my mental health. I started feeling spread thin by my job, overwhelmed with the unknowns, stressed out about what other people were doing/not doing, stressed out about whether I was doing/not doing the right things. I think most of my issues stemmed from a place of insecurity & trying to please people. What with a pandemic going on, this was tough, as everyone seemed so divided & intense. People closest to me had different views, people on the internet were yelling at each other & pointing fingers. It felt absolutely overwhelming. 

    My physical self started suffering along with my mental health: I started having panic attacks weekly; my dry skin (eczema) started spreading & getting inflamed, to the point where I had to shave my hair down to a pixie cut due to scalp issues *cue more emotion around that haircut alone*. I ended up quitting my job for the state of my mental health, which further induced feelings of guilt, as I know I was blessed to have a job amidst the high rates of unemployment right now. Every time I checked my phone, my anxiety rose & I started panicking. It got to the point where I felt genuinely scared to check my phone once I woke up in the morning. 

    Needless to say: it all became too much. I made the decision to delete my Instagram app, not long after quitting my job. I started focusing on continuing to read & learn, form my own opinions & thoughts, take action, live responsibly, but to do so outside of the pressures of social media (with its constant comparison & oversharing, both of which I was guilty of).

    Now, please don't take this transparent post as me complaining or searching for sympathy. This post serves as me sharing my "Quarantine Experience," as it was definitely not a great one for my mental health (as I'm sure many of you would relate to as well). However, because I've stepped back, I've been doing a lot better. I know that I am still entirely blessed with my physical health, comfort, & lifestyle. However, I also know that I am human & I clearly have limits that I don't always tend to. 

    We need to be more aware of when things start to become too much, especially in the realm of social media. I started to lose my own thoughts & identity while getting lost in others' voices, opinions, shouting. So, hopefully this serves as a reminder to you as well, to always take care of yourself & to never feel guilty for taking a break if that's what serves you best at the moment. Continue to care for others, but never at the expense of also caring for yourself.